Anal fisting is something you see in porn but don’t necessarily do everyday. It’s a more extreme fetish within BDSM kinks which is niche. Putting a whole hand in someone’s ass is a bit much for the first date but there is an audience who like it.
It’s fair to say that the vast majority of people don’t try fisting. After all, it is quite ‘out there’ as far as kinks go and it isn’t suitable for everyone. Anal sex is a bit like marmite and some people think that any kind of anal play is dirty.
Each to their own right? It’s reasonable that not everyone would want to do anything with their backside. Anal play and sex can both make people feel uncomfortable. More prep is usually needed for it and it’s not exactly the kind of thing which features in many sex education classes.
Yet fisting, both vaginally and anally does feature in porn. While the majority of the time, it relates to vaginal fisting on a woman in a lesbian or hetero setting, anal also occurs. Gaping and fisting seem to go hand in hand when it comes to extreme ass play. Arguably if you can do one, then the other is a given.
But when you think about trying fisting at all, you may be more confident with vaginal fisting. As the vagina is designed for sex, naturally self lubricates and stretches. Whereas the anus/rectum does not. This means that when it comes to putting your hand in someone’s ass instead, you need different prep for it.
Lube
Buying the right lubricant for anal fisting will make the whole process much easier and more enjoyable. Nobody wants to be a pain in the ass by being too dry. The kind of lube you use for everyday sex or masturbation probably won’t cut it here. So it helps to do your research.
During anal fisting, you really need to invest in something longer-lasting and ideally water based. Some lubes are specially designed for it and are made to be thicker, creamier and more hard-wearing.
Some of the best lubes for anal fisting can be easily bought online. Personally it’s better to keep away from lubes that claim to “numb” the area. As if you use an anaesthetic lube it can hide pain if things are too rough. Instead try to relax naturally and perhaps use a ‘relaxing’ natural lube with aloe vera in it instead.
Fist It Extra Thick Water-Based Anal Fisting Lubricant (500ml)
Love Lube Sensual Water Based Lubricant (250ml)
Hygiene
Now is definitely the time you should invest in nail clippers. Even if you ordinarily chomp on your fingers to keep them down, now is the time to clip. You want to keep everything clean and neat. You should smooth down all edges with a nail file and keep them extra short.
Because being scratched during sex isn’t fun anyway but having a tear inside your anal passage is much worse. Any cuts to the anal area are at greater risk of infection due to the presence of bacteria there.
Wash your hands and forearms. Before you start any hands play you should make sure you wash them thoroughly. Keeping everything clean will improve hygiene and reduce risks of any infection if there were a tear.
Fisting gloves
Wearing latex gloves during fisting can be advisable as it sometimes allows for smoother penetration. It’s a good way of improving hygiene during anal play and reduces the risk of any accidental cuts. Especially if either of you have longer nails!
When wearing something latex based, you need to check the lube is latex-friendly. Water based is better when it comes to latex and is readily available. You might also want to put talcum powder on your hands before you get down to it.
You might want to try a “fisting mitten” like this one listed below:
Lovehoney – Renegade Rubber Long Fisting Glove.
Alternatively you could use any medical-grade gloves bought from a pharmacy.
Sex tips
Warm up. Before you try stuffing your hand in there you need to warm up to fisting. Use sex toys, foreplay and sex to help your girlfriend relax. The sphincter is the tightest area you’ll have to move past in order to fist her anally. As such you may want to introduce butt plugs and anal training before you attempt to do anal fisting.
Take off any jewellery. Any rings or watches will be in the way during fisting so take them off. Also if she has any genital piercings, it’s best you make sure they are fully healed before stretching the skin around it.
Some people choose to use anal douches or enemas before anal play. This is down to the individual and what they feel most comfortable with. Shy of going down this route however, emptying the bowels and washing afterwards should be sufficient to avoid any ‘mess.’
You’ll want to keep cleaning wipes and tissues nearby during anal fisting. And could invest in getting a waterproof sheet to cover your bed! Alternatively playing in the bathroom will make clean up even easier!
Fisting – safe words
Before you even think about getting naked, you need to be able to maintain good communication with your girl. Talk about safety limits to understand what both of you would like to do and what would be too much. Establish a “safe word” that your partner can use during fisting to let you know if things need to stop.
A popular “safe word” system is using traffic light colours as a code.
Green = “All is good, it’s enjoyable. Keep going.”
Yellow/Orange = “I’m okay for now but be careful with it and be gentler.”
Red = “It’s too much, we need to stop.”
You can also choose another word which isn’t sexual to use as a safe word. Sometimes simply saying, “No” or “Too hard” can be in conflict with what you really mean during a roleplay scenario. Hence choosing a safe word that is totally unrelated, like “candyfloss” will work better for communicating hard limits.
If it’s the first time either of you have ever tried anal fisting you should do your research on this kink beforehand. While if one of you has tried it but the other hasn’t or you both have done it but it’s your first time together, you should also talk about your expectations.
Knowing what her limits are beforehand will also help you get ready for anal fisting. Assuming you’ve already done vaginal fisting and know her limits for that isn’t 100% reliable. After all, the vagina self lubricates and stretches a lot more. Therefore her limits for anal fisting may be lower.
BDSM guide to anal sex
Fisting is a more extreme BDSM kink which isn’t really suitable for beginners. Normally people who identify as a masochist (someone who enjoys pain) and have a higher pain threshold like fisting. It pushes your body to the limit and needs to be tailored to each girl as all bodies/fists are different sizes.
In BDSM culture, the sadomasochism element refers to people who enjoy pain play. This can link to impact play such as spanking, more extreme bondage, blood play, extreme insertions, nipple/cock/ball torture and fisting to name just a few.
Anal fisting generally links more closely to extreme insertions and often appears alongside double penetration, double anal penetration and other more extreme anal play practices. Within sadomasochism, the element of pain is thought to heighten the pleasure and be pleasure in itself.
Porn videos heavily influence the expectations people have around porn. When you watch a video which goes from one finger to a whole fist in 5 minutes, you can easily forget that isn’t reality. All porn videos are edited for maximum viewer enjoyment and erotic factor.
In reality, fisting is an activity which takes longer to prepare for and to do safely. Porn videos won’t show you the preparation a girl does before fisting, the full length of physical warm up or the sheer amount of lube used. Nor show you the sex aftercare practised afterwards to keep the woman comfortable.
Plus when you watch a relatively short 30 minute video, in reality there’s probably hours of footage which were edited out or not even filmed due to being “prep” rather than actual action.
Remember also that when it comes to fisting, you don’t actually have to put in your whole fist. You should never try putting in your whole fist immediately as it’s a large flattish surface which would be painful.
How to anal fist
Similarly to vaginal fisting, you should start slow with any kind of anal play. Take the time to relax and get turned on before you try any penetration. Then when you are about to insert anything, use a generous amount of lube and be gentle. Working her body slowly will avoid any discomfort caused by rushing in.
The sphincter is the tightest part of the anal cavity and is the most sensitive area. It’s a tight ring of muscle which contracts and relaxes to allow for bowl movements. During anal sex, it helps if your girlfriend pushes down as if she’s going to the bathroom as this actually opens the sphincter wider.
Hence when you put in a toy or your cock, rather than clench up she should push against it to allow it to slide in more easily. Anal fisting isn’t a kink that total anal virgins would normally try but when you’re experienced with anal sex, it’s something you can explore at leisure.
You should work up from a toy to fingers introduced one by one. Keep applying lube throughout to make it more comfortable and feel free to pause if you need to. Being gentle when fisting will reduce the risk of any internal injury or soreness.
When your hand is fully in her, you can explore different movements which feel good for her. Some girls may prefer a simple thrusting technique or an internal twisting of the hand or wiggling fingers. Try out different things to find what works for you both.
If at any time it gets sore, take a step back or pause completely. Listening to her body will help both of you make the experience more pleasurable. Then practice good sex aftercare as normal to avoid any of the dangers of anal sex.