Having the lights on or lights off for sex is a debate in many bedrooms. Some people much prefer having the lights on so they can see everything. Others would rather the lights be off so that there’s more left to the imagination.
A lot of guys tell me that girls often prefer to have the lights off for sex. Personally, I’ve never found this to be an issue. If you’re not yet going to sleep, then the lights in my bedroom tend to be on. But in the middle of the night, I’m happy enough to leave the lights off unless we both want to see what we’re doing.
Part of it is about keeping sex spontaneous. Going with the preset natural conditions is fair enough. Plus if you’re in a shared house, you may feel a bit uneasy about your house mates noticing the light at the bottom of your door.
For some couples though, the dilemma of having the lights off or lights on for sex is real. When someone is more shy, they may feel more comfortable if the lights are off. Being exposed isn’t always easy if you’re self conscious about your body. Especially when overhead lights are bright and not the most flattering.
A happy compromise might be to just have the bedside lamp on. Allowing you to have sex in a dusky half light which is still mysterious while showing more.
Opinions are arguably divided as to which is better. When you want to enjoy seeing your partner in all their naked glory, having the lights on is surely the only way forward. But if on the other hand, one or both of you are a bit shy about your birthday suit, having the lights off can sometimes make people feel more comfortable.
Why you might want the lights off for sex?
There a number of reasons why someone might want to have the lights off for sex. Most of which are quite common and shouldn’t take too much to understand.
Being shy about showing their body.
People with insecurities might worry that you won’t like what’s seen with the lights on. By having the lights off for sex, it helps them relax as they feel less exposed. It could be the exposure in general intimidates them or a specific hang up that’s setting them back.
Prefer the sensuality of darkness.
Having sex with the lights off can add a level of mystery and sensuality to your encounter. While having sex with the lights on can be great as it lets you see your partner and navigate what you’re doing, it can be a little stark. When you have sex in the dark it adds an element of surprise to your intimacy. After all you can’t see what they’re about to do next and that can be erotic.
Being lazy.
Even when people are perfectly happy to show off their bodies otherwise, they might sometimes like to have the lights off for sex. Partly this can come down to just being lazy. Instead of having to worry about what facial expression you pull and how good your hair looks, you just get to enjoy sex. It’s uninhibited, primal and can be downright hot to just get it on without any hassle.
Spontaneity.
Being able to reach across to your partner and touch her in the dark can be a turn on. Similarly, she might enjoy the spontaneity of climbing on top of you for a midnight rodeo without turning on the lights. It can feel like an interruption when you ‘set the scene’ for sex instead of just getting on with it.
Having them on?
At the same time though there’s a lot of reasons why you might want to have the lights on for sex. Or it may just be a necessity for certain activities you’re getting up to. Nobody can easily do bondage in the dark and knowing exactly where to aim can be a bit tricky when you’re blind.
Some people prefer to have the lights on for sex in order to see their partner. It’s a basic reason but still perfectly valid. Being able to see our partner can help us connect during sex and lets us enjoy the visual benefits of what we’re doing.
Having the lights on for sex is essential if you want to appreciate lingerie or do any kind of play which involves accuracy with movement. Plus it allows you to maintain eye contact during sex which can make your intimacy more special.
Ultimately it’s a matter of confidence, both you and your partner should be reassured that you’re attracted to each other enough to have sex. Being able to discuss your preferences openly and reach a suitable compromise will also help.