Being in the porn-industry can be a fun and fulfilling job, however it’s not something you can easily talk about in public. Every does it differently but here I’ll be sharing how to tell your friends and family you’re a pornstar. 

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When I was back at school the “cool guys” would always joke about growing up and being pornstars. Then there was slut shaming in the school too, with jeers such as “You’ll only be able to be a whore or a pornstar.” – The fact is there is a huge stigma against people in the porn industry, but especially women. That’s why the simple act of telling your friends and family you’re a porn star can be ridiculously scary and nerve-wrecking. Funnily enough no one clocked on that out of all of us, I would end up going into the industry.

I didn’t tell my friends straight away though. Most of my friends weren’t from my school though, they were older than me. When I left the small town I was from to the city lights of London, I left a large part of my life behind. I never thought I would hear from the kids back at school again. Forward in time, one boy from my old maths class finds a video of me. One of my few friends hears about it, which means everyone else in the school has probably heard about it.

I walked into the industry thinking no one would find out. I didn’t think people at school would. You might have read recently about the girl form Duke university in America who’s getting bullied because she was outed, well things turned out ok for her and they’re turning out ok for me too. The biggest worry for me was, who else knew? Did my old friends back home know? Did my mum know?

My friends from back home did know. And you know what they said? They said “As long as you’re safe, you’ll always be the same girl to us. It’s a surprise but if you like it then what’s wrong?” – That’s how I knew they were my friends. Part of me never doubted they would be supported, and yet I was still to scared to tell them myself. Why is it so wrong/bad to be a camgirl, to get naked on camera and to have fun? It’s so deeply ingrained in society that  I think everyone in the same position feels the same from the start.

The next big person to know was my mum. I never intended to tell her, I never lied about my job but I would always skirt it when the topic came up. One day I got a call from her at 3am because one of her neighbours had found a video of me and decided it was his duty to tell her. She, like my friends, was only concerned about my wellbeing and otherwise was completely supportive. I felt bad she had to hear from a third party, and I think that neighbour was in the wrong. If I had a choice to go back, I would have wanted to be the one to tell her.

Family and friends are special. Your family love you. You’re part of them, flesh and blood. Love trumps whatever social stigma there is. It may take a while for them to accept it, but chances are they’ve already figured it out. Friends are friends for a reason. You’ll know who your true friends are, and chances are they won’t judged you. If they do, you didn’t need them.

Since those two big things happened, I decided it was time to come clean by myself. After a evening out with my main group of friends in London, we were sat, stomachs full from a huge pig out. I had decided I would tell them but I was so nervous I actually faltered a bit. I told them what I did. I just said it.

“I’m a camgirl. And I have my own websites where I do videos.”

They all looked at each other and one of them already knew, but non glared or spat fire or ran away. They all smiled and told me how interesting it was, and some had questions. We hugged and i got a pat on the back and the topic hasn’t really come up again. I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Since then, when I meet new people I’m totally ok with telling them what I do when they ask me. I’ve never been ashamed of what I do, and all it took was my family and friends to show me that no one would be.

So my advice on how to tell your friends and family you’re a pornstar? Trust. Whether it’s after a meal out like I did, just one-to-one – I think the best thing is to tell them yourself in person. However doing it in person does seem to have better damage control than doing via social media. How many friends on facebook are actually friends for instance? You’re more likely to get heat that way, and it’s best to tell those important to you first before letting the rest of the world in!