Religious parents can be challenging at the best of times. Whether they’re pushing you to attend religious events with them or trying to get you to follow their beliefs, it can be tough.
So when it comes to sex, it’s no surprise that this isn’t an exception. Although sex should be personal to everyone and ultimately be up to their individual choices, religious parents often interfere.
Or even if they aren’t actively interfering in your sex life, they might be making things harder for you. This is where their good intentions may make you feel judged, bullied or shamed. All because you want to do things your way rather than getting your religious parents to approve.
Casual sex and porn can often be viewed as wrong. Both by religious parents and non religious parents alike. We all know how they can tut their disapproval at your shenanigans. But luckily there is a way to try and resolve the possible tensions which will work for both of you.
Privacy
First off, sex is a private thing. What goes on between the sheets and behind closed doors should stay there. It isn’t really your parents’ business to know what you’ve been up to. But unfortunately some religious parents don’t respect boundaries.
When you decide to start having relationships or sex in general, it’s worth deciding how much you want to tell them. Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean you have to tell them everything. Especially not when it comes to your sex life.
Because honestly who really wants to tell mum and dad when you score? Definitely not me and if you’re reading this article, I’m guessing you probably don’t either!
If you’re able to have a proper conversation with your parents, you can try to establish boundaries. Most often the time when religious parents disapproving of casual sex/porn will be an issue is when you still live at home. Now sometimes it takes longer to fly the nest than we would like ideally but limits still should be set.
When it comes to porn, using a privacy setting on your browser is a good way to keep your internet habits on the DL. Plus headphones and lower screen brightness are often your best friends. Finding times to watch your favourite flicks when you’re home alone can be a real lifesaver. Nobody wants the buzz kill of mom walking in on you mid-porno.
If you live at home and are having casual sex, avoid opening yourself up to conflict. Rather than being unashamed of your dirty business, finding a way to be discreet can help. Whether this means checking into a hotel or going back to her place instead, both can really save your bacon.
Discussing your religious parents’ views
Now when you live at home with religious parents, it can be hard to live as you like without repercussions. After all, you’re living under their roof and may feel the need to tow the line. While keeping things respectful and civil is always good, you can’t let yourself be bullied.
If you have an open relationship with your parents where you can discuss things, it can help to be able to have good conversations with them. Talking about faith with religious parents might seem like a terrible idea. Especially if you’re concerned it will lead to conflict or future tensions.
But if you are able to talk about things in a positive, open and non judgemental way, this really can help. There’s no point in ignoring the elephant in the room or in starting a fight. But airing your different opinions might help you both to begin to understand each other’s perspective.
Religious parents sometimes won’t listen to any view that conflicts with their own. When this is the case, discussing things may feel like a waste of time. But trying to establish boundaries can help. Or if you no longer live at home, you can decide how much of your personal life you share with them.
When you aren’t living in the same home as your parents it can be a lot easier. After all, they’re not there to watch your coming’s and going’s or know about your internet search history. If you do live apart, having a conversation with them about dating may be easier. As if any tension does arise, you can easily separate and give each other space.
Casual sex
Most religious parents object to casual sex on the basis that sex is special and should be saved for marriage. The arguments in favour of abstinence before marriage can be strong.
Waiting to have sex when you’re in a committed, loving relationship can often prove positive. It helps keep you both healthy through being faithful to each other and can avoid a lot of the heartache that comes with break ups. Religious parents usually see this as being the goal.
But not everybody feels this way and may think casual sex is okay. But what you and I define as “casual sex” may be different to how your parents see it. Here, being able to talk to them about their views on dating can help. If you see casual sex as a one night stand but sex in a relationship as being okay that’s fine. However your parents might see sex in a relationship that isn’t marriage as being casual sex.
Everybody has a different view on the subject. But most importantly, you need to find what works for you and what you feel okay with.
Porn
People have all kinds of reasons why they think porn is wrong. From saying it objectifies women to the argument that it depicts and promotes unrealistic or damaging versions of sex. Religious parents typically take the view that any kind of sex outside of marriage is wrong.
While it might be easy to understand some of the objections religious parents have with porn, it’s ultimately a personal decision whether or not you view it. If you do like it, your parents don’t really need to know about your habits.
This links back to issues around privacy. You respect their opinion and in turn your parents should respect your individual preferences and choices around porn. Porn doesn’t have to be a negative thing and can be seen to celebrate human sexuality in a respectful and consensual way. But it’s nearly always going to divide opinion, it’s a sexual marmite.
How to handle conflict
Establishing your boundaries and keeping any discussions about casual sex and porn positive and respectful will help avoid conflict. Religious parents do want what they think is best for you. Rather than thinking they want to ruin your vibe or are trying to destroy your personal life isn’t going to help anybody.
Instead of getting mad when your parents have different views, take time to consider them. Is there any truth in what they’re saying? Even if you don’t see things the same way, you can usually try to put yourself in their shoes and try seeing things a different way.
What you do is your business and being private about your personal life is a fair way to go. But eventually when you do settle down with somebody, you’ll probably want to have a family life. So keeping your religious parents on good terms will help you in the long run.