Sex aftercare is maybe thought to apply exclusively to the BDSM scene. When engaging in alternative activities which may have risks for harm, being cautious is a given. Follow up care and attention is known as ‘aftercare’ but this term also applies to normal sexual interactions. At Sugarcookie we believe that safety, consent and mutual pleasure are equally important.
Being a considerate partner is not only polite and kind but is essential for consensual, safe sex. Whether you’re with a regular partner, meeting someone new or just exploring a different activity, aftercare is key. It’s not enjoyable if one or both of you are upset, physically hurt or don’t fully consent to the acts.
Within the BDSM scene, sex aftercare has close links to sadomasochism games. Whether this is something relatively mild like spanking and gentle bondage or more extreme varies. Making sure everyone is safe, happy and agrees to whatever you engage in is absolutely critical.
When you enter into a kink play, it is advisable to set a “safeword” which you can use if either participant (though usually the submissive) wishes to stop. This should be something non-sexual as during some role play “No” or “Please don’t do X Sir” might not actually indicate that she does in fact want to stop. Instead of picking something vanilla like “popcorn” or “Kentucky” would work to break the tension.
Some also use the traffic light code of “red” for an immediate stop and “orange/amber” to indicate that they are nearing their limit or are uncomfortable.
Although consent and setting limits may ensure safety and that the activity is enjoyable. Aftercare is still essential, it will help you to complete the session with mutual respect and consideration. Both of which are key if you want a repeat encounter.
BDSM aftercare
When you engage in sadomasochism such as rough sex, spanking, nipple torture, CBT, fisting, choking or anything that involves extreme penetration or cutting, this is more important. Sex aftercare ensures your partner is comfortable, happy with the scene and if they are sore, offers support.
This might include:
- Taking time to chat about your activities, check verbally that they are OK and talk about how things might be done differently or improved next time.
- Check that their skin isn’t damaged from any impact-play. Flogging, spanking, caning and nipple torture can all leave temporary to semi-permanent marks. You can also offer aloe vera or ice packs to bruised areas.
- Check for any friction burns or tender spots when your perform bondage. Also if you hold stress positions, a cool-down massage will ease any aches.
- Make sure she isn’t sore from rough sex or penetration with toys. Again discuss with your partner if she is OK and consider using lube afterwards or some over-the-counter creams which can help ease any temporary discomfort.
- Test out any new lube on a small area before using it for intercourse or foreplay. Allergic reactions to new lubricants can be very painful! If this happens, help her clean off the lube and make a note not to use it again.
None of these ideas are exclusive to BDSM although it may be more obvious. When you engage in normal sex, it is also important to check you’re both happy afterwards.
Anal sex and toys
If you engage in anal sex for instance, sex aftercare means you should pay attention to hygiene and not swap between vaginal and anal sex without changing condoms or washing ideally. Afterwards it is sensible for your partner to wash herself to reduce the risk of a thrush infection. This can happen when bacteria from anal play transfers to her vagina. In contrast going from vaginal to anal is not such an issue but good hygiene and lubrication is always best.
You should also be cautious of keeping toys clean during anal play as the same issue applies. Nobody wants yeast in their muffin rather than their bagel! After anal play and rimming you can apply something as simple as Sudocrem to help ease any soreness. You should also
When playing with toys, washing them thoroughly and covering them with condoms is a clean and safe way to play. You should check that both of you are comfortable both during and afterwards as some harder types of toys can become painful with prolonged usage.
Opting for silicone toys is generally more comfortable than glass for instance. While if you use jelly toys, cleaning thoroughly afterwards will help avoid thrush/yeast infections. This is due to jelly toys often being more porous (absorbent) than medical grade silicone which means they can gather more bacteria.
In normal sexual encounters, there’s also the question of what sex aftercare means and what you should and shouldn’t do.
- Do you cuddle with someone new?
- If it’s a one night stand, can you leave once you’re finished?
- Is it rude to assume you’re having a sleepover and if you aren’t ready for it, how do you handle that?
- Do you use condoms? Who provides them?
- What if a condom breaks?
- Birth control – what are your options? And how to discuss them.
- Period sex – do you offer to fetch a towel?
- Threesomes – how do you act afterwards? Can you cuddle? Who is responsible for contraception? Do you always use condoms?
When it comes to cuddling or leaving after a one night stand, you have to both be comfortable. If you can discuss any of these things openly that’s ideal. But if you don’t feel able to talk about cuddling with a new partner, perhaps follow her lead. Don’t be cold or rude, you’ve just been intimate with someone and nobody likes to feel rejected. Some affection is healthy but understanding your boundaries is also important.
Condoms and contraception in general need mutual consent and discussion. If something does go wrong, you should be supportive and take responsibility as a gentleman. After all, it takes two to tango. What you use and when is up to you. Aftercare can be as simple as making sure a woman is OK after unprotected sex. Getting regular STI screens between partners will also help maintain the health of you and whoever you sleep with.
Of course should you visit an escort there are key things to do and what not to do. Whether this is things you should never say or being polite on your arrival and departure.
Sex aftercare is an umbrella term covering a range of areas. The basic rule applies to be considerate, respectful and caring of your partner’s needs. Whether it’s a regular relationship, casual or a one off encounter. Act in the way you’d want people to treat you. Or better yet, the way you’d want other men to treat someone you care about.