There are loads of reasons why a girl might say “yes” to sex with you. Whether it’s down to primal sexual attraction, due to an emotional connection or just wanting some fun, there’s more than one reason.

Having sex is different for men and women. While generally it’s assumed that men are more physically driven towards sex than women, it’s not strictly true. Plenty of women have a high sex drive and enjoy having sex even without being in a relationship with that person.

Sexual promiscuity by either gender can sometimes be frowned upon by conservative people. We all likely know someone who has religious parents that think sex before marriage is wrong. Or possibly even have religious parents ourselves. But wanting to explore sexually is fair enough, as everybody should enjoy sex on their own terms.

Casual sex and sex in a relationship are arguably quite different. When you meet someone new, you might wonder what her reasons are for wanting to have sex with you. If a girl says “yes” to sex with you, chances are you’ll feel like a lucky guy. Getting to have sex with a real girl rather than just imagining it is nearly always 100 times better than masturbating on your own!

“Good girls don’t sleep around?”

It’s fair to say that society tends to project the idea that ‘good girls’ don’t sleep around. Although more feminist voices will be quick to point out that women can have sex how, when and with who they want to. Women are typically getting more confident about owning their sexuality, at least in more liberal cultures.

In the West, it’s normal for girls to get dressed up and go out with the hope of pulling a guy for the night. Sure, not every woman wants to do it, but there are plenty who do. When you go onto Tinder, you’ll find a whole host of women uploading sexy selfies, underwear shots and general provocative bio’s to tease.

Women can have different attitudes towards sex than men generally do. It’s common to find that a lot of women attach greater value to sex than men do. Sex for women comes with greater implications than it does for men.

Biology – sex for women

An obvious reason why sex can be a bit more important for women than for men is because of pregnancy. When we have sex with you, there’s a chance we could get pregnant. Now while birth control gives us a way of avoiding this, if our contraception fails, the implications for us are more complex than for a guy.

If a woman falls pregnant, she has the choice of having the baby or terminating the pregnancy. This can be more difficult than simply choosing whether to take the morning after pill if a condom breaks. Often women don’t know they’re pregnant until further along, at which point it’s a case of going to term or abortion.

Needless to say then the stakes are higher for women when they go to bed with someone. For men, you choose whether to use a condom or not. Plus for either gender there’s the question of having safe sex to avoid STIs. Yet again though for women who get an STI, there’s a greater risk of it affecting their long term fertility.

Female sexual morality

Plus society often projects the idea of female virginity/sexual morality being more important than male. Therefore suggesting that sex should be reserved for relationships only rather than having casual sex. Hence no premarital sex.

The whole language around virginity also links to this with the idea of virginity being a ‘cherry’ that a man takes and is something a woman ‘gives away.’ No prizes for seeing the power dynamics implied here.

With all this in mind, it’s not surprising that a lot of women find sex to be a more emotional experience. It’s intimate whether there’s a romantic connection or not. For men however, it’s got less complications afterwards and can arguably be less emotional. Although this depends on the individual, obviously.

Female sexual empowerment

If a woman decides she wants sex with you, be flattered. Women don’t always view sex as an emotional experience, for many it can be more of a physical encounter which is erotic.

A lot of that depends on the individual and their personal attitude towards sex. As well as it varying based on who is sleeping with who. If you connect with someone on a personal, emotional level, then the sex is likely to be more special than a one night stand.

Women who feel empowered in their sexuality are usually more confident. They know what they like, what they want and aren’t afraid to get it. Which is a seriously sexy combination in itself regardless of how physically attractive she is.

Girls may say “yes” to sex with you because want to have fun. It’s the same reason you’d like to have sex with them. Some women though will use sex as a way to try and gain closeness with someone they’d like to have a relationship with. As often women view love and sex as being mutually exclusive.

Other women who aren’t being romantic about sex, might want to just fulfil a fantasy and think you’re the right guy. Therefore having sex with you is a way of enjoying and exploring their own sexuality with no questions asked.

Alternatively, some women might deliberately seek out sex when they’re broody. It’s not uncommon for some women to have sex with guys hoping to get pregnant. Often without even telling the guy it’s a possibility.

What to do when she wants sex with you but not a relationship

For some men, having sex with a girl who doesn’t want a relationship with you is the ultimate dream. If you have a ‘no strings attached’ approach towards sex, being able to enjoy sex with someone who doesn’t want a relationship is ideal. It lets you have your fun in the bedroom and then leave.

Having a non-committal approach to sex is often a choice people make. Both men and women sometimes want to just enjoy themselves on a hedonistic level without any complications. Sex without strings can be fun, you relax and have a good fuck without having to worry about responsibilities.

Often when we’ve just gone through a bad break up or are just busy and happy being single, NSA fun is what we like. Nearly all of us have had a one night stand or casual sex at some stage in our lives. There’s nothing wrong with that. Consensual, respectful fun where both people know the score is OK.

It’s obviously not OK to mislead a girl in thinking you like her or want a relationship if you just want to have sex. Guys that play around with a woman’s feelings just to get her into bed might think that’s OK for a while but take a minute to ask yourself how you would feel if a girl did that to you? Probably shitty, a bit used and hurt that she lied. So don’t do it to them.

When a woman says “yes” to sex with you but doesn’t want a relationship, it can be for a range of reasons. She might be happy being single and doesn’t want to date anyone. Or perhaps has been hurt recently so is avoiding heartbreak again. It might be that she’s open for a relationship but just doesn’t want one with you.

Whatever her reason, you should respect it. By all means, discuss it with her if you want to but if she has an answer you dislike, you still should respect it. You can’t force a relationship and sometimes people prefer to be friends with benefits.

The takeaway

Men and women have different approaches to sex. But in the same way you may have a whole range of reasons why you’d like to have sex with her, the same is true in reverse. Women might say “yes” to sex out of simple attraction, due to feeling an emotional connection with you, wanting a relationship or just being horny and thinking you’ll do the job.

The Attraction Doctor known formally as Dr Jeremy Nicholson (M.S.W, Ph.D) explains the main issue with not knowing what someone’s reasons are for having sex.

“The problem, however, is that each partner may want sex for different reasons. Each may have a different motivation for saying “yes”. When those specific motivations are not addressed and underlying needs are not met, sex either doesn’t occur – or ends up being dissatisfying. A classic example is the woman who has sex as an expression of “love and commitment”, being disappointed when she finds her partner has had sex for only “pleasure”. Or, the man who has sex as an expression of his “desirability and passion”, only to be disappointed that his partner was motivated only by his “resources and social status.”

The different approaches towards sex include:

  • Emotional: they link sex to love and commitment. It expresses they care for you.
  • Physical: they want to enjoy sex, explore their sexuality or maybe just relieve sexual frustration and stress.
  • Goal attainment: someone who wants to achieve something might sleep with you to do so. It could be to improve social status, confidence or to use your resources and proximity to gain more.
  • Insecurity: try to keep their partner in a relationship, do it out of duty or fear of being left. They want to please someone else to feel better.

It’s OK for people to have different reasons for wanting to have sex. But you should try and be clear in understanding what each of you want from it.  Consenting adults can have sex however they like but should remain respectful.

If you’re unsure why a girl wants to have sex with you, you can discuss it politely. Sex is a personal matter but discussion will help you to relax, build trust and ultimately enjoy sex more.