Knowing what to do if you have strong feelings for more than one girl can be difficult. It varies depending on your circumstances and theirs. Relationships can be complicated at the best of times, even when everyone is single. Nevermind if some people are attached while others aren’t.
It’s normal to have feelings for more than one person. While it’s often something we experience when we’re younger, it applies to all ages. If you have strong feelings for more than one girl it can sometimes feel overwhelming. You don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings and have conflict in your own.
Nobody likes being misled and being honest is nearly always the best policy. That doesn’t mean though that you have to blurt out to someone that you have feelings for them and for someone else. That probably isn’t the best idea ever. But being honest does help, as long as you know what works best for everyone.
When you’re in a relationship but you have strong feelings for another girl
Being in a relationship and having strong feelings for more than one girl makes life tough. When you’re in a relationship, you’ll likely want to be loyal to your girlfriend and not cheat. But if you have strong feelings for her and for another girl, it often confuses you. A lot of men in this situation don’t know what to do and may feel conflicted that they have strong feelings for more than one girl.
If you’re happy in your relationship and have strong feelings for someone else, it might be the time to ask yourself what you really want. Even if you’re in a relationship where you’re happy, it’s normal to sometimes develop crushes on other people. These can be fleeting crushes or stronger feelings but in the majority of cases, people choose to ignore this attraction in order to stay in their existing relationship without complications.
If you have strong feelings for more than one girl, you may be conflicted over what to do. Whether to tell both people about your feelings, to ignore them or to act on them. Being in a relationship already and having feelings for more than one girl challenges you as it’s often in these cases that affairs start.
What to do?
When you have strong feelings for more than one girl, it’s easy to get carried away and start flirting or dating two people. However this seldom leads to happiness for the people involved as people get hurt due to jealousy, insecurities and issues around trust.
Instead of getting involved with two or more people, it’s normally better to control your feelings and be monogamous. If you’re in a relationship already and want to be with someone else, it’s better for everyone if you address the issues in your relationship and end it on good terms.
Having an affair with someone else while being in a relationship hurts you, your existing partner (and children) and the other woman you have feelings for. If you genuinely do care about the people involved, you will want to treat them with respect and be honest. Entering into an affair defeats this objective as it creates lies, breaks trust and manipulates those you love.
If your partner knows or becomes aware that you have strong feelings for more than one girl, it’s likely that this information upsets her even if nothing physical happens. Emotional betrayals can be just as painful for women and men, as actual physical betrayals through cheating.
Being honest about your feelings
You can’t expect other people to know or understand how you feel without having a conversation. While some people think that ignorance is bliss and prefer not to say anything, omission of the truth can sometimes be just as problematic as being honest to begin with.
When you have strong feelings for more than one girl it can be difficult to wrap your head around it. If you’re single, it might be a case of being attracted to multiple people and then deciding whether anyone is suitable for you to date. Being single makes it much easier than if you’re attached as it simplifies the situation. Unless either of the girls asks you explicitly about your feelings, you don’t have to tell them you have feelings for more than one girl.
But even when you’re single, if a girl asks you outright if you have strong feelings for more than one girl, you should answer carefully. Being honest generally gains more respect than if you mislead people about how you feel. Balance this with also being considerate of other people’s feelings though and try to be gentle. You shouldn’t necessarily name who the other girl is that you have feelings for, especially not if it’s someone they know.
To speak or not to speak…
However if you’re in a relationship and you’re being honest about having feelings for more than one girl, it can be hard to know what to say. Should your girlfriend ask you if you have feelings for someone else as well as her, it can be near impossible to know what to say. While being honest tends to be best, unless you have to tell her that you do have feelings for someone else as well, it may be better avoided.
That’s to say, if your girlfriend is unaware, there’s no need to tell her. After all, it will hurt her and could damage your relationship. On the other hand, if she discovers you’ve been involved with someone else and she asks you outright if you have feelings for both of them, you can and arguably should, answer truthfully. The ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy is controversial but I’d counter that it does sometimes work.
When you’re having a real conversation, honesty is always best. But sensitivity and consideration of other people’s feelings is also important. An ex broke up with me by bluntly telling me he loved me but liked her more and wanted to get involved with her instead. I didn’t really need to know that and knowing it only hurt. He could have just ended our relationship due to us being long distance or there being an age gap (myself a Freshman, and him a Post Graduate) but he was almost overly honest.
My general rule of thumb is to be as kind towards a partner in a break up as possible. After all, you cared about each other at some stage so why try to hurt them now? Lying when someone knows it’s a lie isn’t good but being tactful and kind when you speak the truth shows you’re a good guy.
When someone makes an active choice
When someone makes an active choice about who they date, it’s much more respected than if you just bumble along and go with the flow. If you have strong feelings for more than one girl but know that there’s external factors which influence the situation, it’s more complex.
For example, you have strong feelings for a girl who lives abroad but also have feelings for someone who lives locally to you. In this situation it’s much easier to date someone local than to pursue a long distance relationship. Although this seldom negates the strong feelings you have for the woman who lives abroad. The ‘easy’ solution is to ignore your feelings for the girl abroad and date someone local. You can date the girl who lives abroad but should think through long distance relationships first.
This means you make an active choice about how you feel, choosing one over the other. Or alternatively, if you feel that you can’t be sincere in dating either of them or anyone due to having strong feelings for more than one girl, you may choose to stay single. On the other hand, some guys would just bob along without making an active choice themselves. Which becomes tricky as often nobody does act and it becomes a state of limbo. Which proves more painful for everybody than just making a choice.
Cheating
You may have strong feelings for two women, one who is attached and another who is single. In this situation, while it’s painful to have to choose, you do have to decide. It makes sense to either ignore your feelings for the married woman and date someone single. Or if you can’t ignore them, then to wait until she becomes single to have a relationship.
Nobody wants to be second best to someone who dates multiple people. Or to end up being the ‘other man’ or ‘other woman’ in an affair situation. If a relationship is worth having then it’s worth waiting for. Commitment, respect and honesty are all key features whenever you date. So choose carefully how you proceed because you want to have strong foundations going forward.
Cheating and having affairs never ends well. “When a man marries his mistress, he makes a vacancy.” It’s not rocket science to be able to identify the issues that arise from this. Predominantly because society believes the saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater.”
Being ‘passive’ if you have strong feelings for more than one girl can seem like a default, easy option. It takes the pressure off you having to choose. Plus a lot of guys rather enjoy feeling like a casanova. If you do have strong feelings for more than one girl then not doing anything often doesn’t sit right. Make a decision and stand by it. Fence sitting seldom appeals to anybody and when you do choose, it earns you respect.