Submissive vs Dominant. Not every man is an alpha male type who wants to control a woman 24/7. Some men are into domination however a growing number of men admit to being submissive in the bedroom. When society projects the idea that men always call the shots and women are submissive, the reverse can appear unique. More men are admitting that they find it hot when their girlfriend is in charge. But how do you tell a girl you’re a submissive man?
Some men might just want their girlfriend to take the lead occasionally. Switching in order to vary the dynamics in the bedroom rather than follow the usual routine. Others though may actually prefer being submissive and simply don’t know how to say it.
Submission can take a whole range of forms. Where some men might just like a girl to take the lead in vanilla sex, others might want to explore kink. Fetish scenes can include bondage, torture, discipline and servitude where the submissive is literally obedient to every order given. There’s a whole spectrum to choose from and knowing what’s available is part of the challenge.
Vanilla submission
Being submissive in a vanilla setting is normal. Sometimes you don’t want the pressure of being in charge. Letting the girl take control and decide what kind of sex you’re having can be fun. You immediately know what she wants to do and can follow her directions.
This helps if you’re less confident in the bedroom or don’t yet know what she likes. Having a girl be confident in her own sexuality is sexy. But when she tells you exactly what she wants, you can relax and just deliver.
This kind of submission might suit you if you’re keen to please. By focusing on what she wants, you’re able to play the role which is easiest. Whether that means more foreplay, a different position to usual or just a change in dynamics.
Often couples have a natural tendency to default to set roles or patterns. When you’ve been together for a longer period, this is almost inevitable. It might shake things up a bit to try being submissive if you’re ordinarily more dominant. This allows her to really set the tone.
If you’re looking for ideas of ways she might control the bedroom, you can suggest her blindfolding you and tying your wrists before touching you in these secret erogenous zones.
Obedience & Discipline
Within the spectrum of BDSM, some submissive men crave discipline and orders. When you want to please your girl, you might ask her to take on a Mistress role. In this she’ll give you orders of what she wants you to do and how. Then when you follow her instructions, she may reward you with a treat of her choice.
This can be as mild or extreme as you choose and is really up to you and your partner. If you want to try being a submissive man with your girl but don’t yet know how to tell her, you could suggest playing a game.
Consider taking it in turns to instruct each other to do something, a bit like dares but obviously more sexy than silly. You could suggest that she tells you exactly how to go down on her. Then as a good obedient sub, you follow her directions until she squeals with pleasure.
In a more extreme way, obedience and discipline can explore CBT (cock and ball torture), sadomasochism, bondage, spanking, ruined orgasms and all kinds of kink. How far into it you want to go depends on your personal comfort levels.
But as with any sex, practising good sex aftercare is essential. You could also try breath play where you’re the one being choked.
Cuckoldry
Another kind of submission is being a cuckold. Which if you don’t already know, basically means volunteering to watch your girl have fun with others while limiting your own freedom. This might mean that she literally locks you into a chastity device and keeps the key. Or that she only lets you orgasm when she decides you’re allowed. But cuckolding can take different paths.
‘Being a cuckold’ stems from the idea of the cuckoo bird replacing the eggs in another birds’ nest with its’ own. When hatched, the baby cuckoo then pushes the other eggs or chicks out of the way and wins all the food. So how does this relate to sex?
Well in sex, a cuckold is a submissive man who volunteers to be ‘replaced’ by another. Often this means that a woman will make her regular partner watch her have sex with someone else while he is unable or not allowed to touch himself or have sex with others. Cuckolds are normally submissive men who enjoy being controlled by their mistress and being obedient to her wishes.
This kind of submission usually links into swinging and open sexual relationships. It often will occur briefly during threesome experiences if you choose to watch.
When to tell a girl you’re a submissive man
The real dilemma may be that you know you’re a submissive man but don’t know when to tell her. In this case, you need to stick to what you feel comfortable with. If it feels like it’s probably too soon to tell her you want to be submissive in the bedroom, don’t rush yourself.
It may well be that she realises you’re more submissive herself without you telling her. But if you’re nervous and do want to tell her, wait until you have an evening to yourselves and try talking about sex.
I mean, duh – we’re all keen on sex right? So why not find out if there’s certain things she’d like to try together. Has she ever been in control or does she prefer being submissive herself? What does she think about BDSM or Daddy/Little Girl scenarios?
If you’re feeling brave, you can always send her a cheeky sext asking her to take control of you after your date. She may have some ideas of her own to try out on you!