When women lose their libido, it can be a buzz kill. For her, for her partner and for life in general. Libido isn’t defined solely by how much someone wants to have sex. Hormones, lifestyle and general health can also have a big influence on loss of libido.
Men may think their libido is just controlled by how horny they feel and how hot their partner is. It’s easy to think that your libido is either high or low and that’s just how it is, give or take. But hormones such as testosterone, progesterone and oestrogen all influence libido too.
In women, there are arguably more factors which affect her libido than for men. Not only is there her own emotional and mental outlook, there’s hormones in progress due to her menstrual cycles or ‘period.’ Combine this with relationship challenges, lifestyle, general health and just the humdrum of life – it’s not surprising that women can experience a loss of libido.
The menstrual cycle
During the month, each women experiences varying levels of hormones due to her menstrual cycle. Depending on which stage of the cycle she’s in, she may experience a surge or a drop of libido. This is normal and nothing to worry about if your girlfriend is less interested in sex.
In the first two weeks of her cycle, her hormone levels will build up towards ovulation. At this point, her libido may be normal but increases as ovulation is closer. Ovulation is the most fertile time of the menstrual cycle when the most hormones kick in.
This might make your girlfriend a bit ’emosh’, but the chances are that her libido will rise. Her body is ready for conception, so if she’s more horny it increases the odds of getting pregnant. It’s almost as if nature planned it this way!
At this point, if you don’t want to conceive then practising safe sex and using condoms is essential. Although you could always try Italian contraception by going for anal sex instead… After ovulation is over (usually a 3/4 day window), her libido may drop off slightly. This loss of libido is normal for women as it reflects the change in hormone levels.
But between ovulation and her period, her libido may well resume normal levels. Her hormones will still be in flux though and you may need more lube as her internal conditions change after ovulation. (To conceive, vaginas often produce more semen friendly mucus which makes things more slippery and welcoming.)
When she actually bleeds, her libido may spike as she becomes more sensitive. In which case period sex is on the table during shark week! But equally she might not be in the mood at all due to pain or feeling icky. TLC needed!
Lifestyle can affect loss of libido too
Lifestyle plays a big role in women experiencing a loss of libido. Whether it’s due to stress from work/family or a change in exercise habits, the lifestyle a woman leads can be influential. If your girlfriend seems less interested in sex, it could be that there are small changes you could make to your lifestyle which will improve your intimate life.
Stress is one of the most common reasons why women have a loss of libido. When we get stressed out, having sex or feeling sexy can be the last thing on your mind. Stress doesn’t have to be caused by a partner or relationship to have an impact.
Women may stress due to internal concerns like body confidence and self-esteem. This may well be due to a change in her appearance such as weight gain/loss or pregnancy. But stress can also be caused by external factors such as work, friendships and family dramas.
Stress can cause feelings of depression which kill off libido. While a woman may want physical comfort, having sex or being intimate without sexual intercourse may not appeal. Often stress creates tiredness or simply distracts her from sex by whatever is bothering her.
Usually short periods of stress will resolve themselves and her libido will improve. But in prolonged stressful situations such as family upheaval, bereavement or chronic illness, her loss of libido may be more longer lasting. In such cases, seeking support from her doctor and trying to find ways to alleviate the effects of the stress will help.
Relationships
It’s not a surprise to learn that women can have a loss of libido due to their relationship. When everything is going well, a woman may be perfectly happy in her relationship. But could still have a loss of libido due to hormonal influence or external issues. Which then impact on the relationship due to causing disconnect between a couple.
But when it isn’t external factors causing the loss of libido, relationships can play a crucial role. In the early stages of a relationship, women may deliberately avoid having sex to protect themselves from getting too close too soon. Or when they feel insecure in the relationship, their libido might fade due to this feeling.
In more long term relationships, it can sometimes be difficult to maintain chemistry and interest. Finding new ways of connecting with your partner in a long term relationship can help avoid these issues. If a woman worries that her partner doesn’t find her attractive, this might make her avoid sex or be less keen.
If you think your girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex with you, you can find a way to calmly discuss any concerns you may have. Being open and respectful of each other will help you identify any problems that may cause the loss of libido.
It is also important to make sure that your girlfriend enjoys the sex you have. By avoiding doing things she doesn’t like and knowing what she does enjoy. Experimenting with new ways of having sex can also help you reconnect and improve any loss of libido. It may be that she does want more sex but doesn’t want the kind of sex you already have.
Health and the menopause
Women can also have a loss of libido due to other health factors besides their period. The type of birth control a woman takes can cause an increase or decrease in her horn factor. Knowing about the pill and the different options available can help improve libido.
Whether a woman is fit or overweight can also impact her libido. Largely due to the effect this has on her hormone levels. Although it isn’t definitive to say that a change in weight will impact her libido, the influence this has on her self-esteem and body image can change things.
If your girlfriend is normally horny and enjoys sex, a sudden loss of libido may need a doctor’s visit. Especially if it’s due to her finding sex uncomfortable or having pelvic pain. STIs can make sex less pleasurable but equally the hidden risks of UTIs or reproductive diseases should also be ruled out.
Women will sometimes avoid sex due to being embarrassed about having a smelly vagina. This is usually caused by a harmless yeast or bacterial infection such as thrush. But could be a symptom of an STI or more serious health condition which needs doctor’s advice.
Ultimately if a woman has a loss of libido, it’s usually a temporary change. But when it’s causing upset for her or for you both as a couple, it’s worth seeking support to find out what’s wrong and fix it. Sex should be enjoyed by everyone.