24/7 BDSM relationships may sound like something directly out of 50 Shades of Grey yet some people do engage in this daily. Naturally people question whether having all consuming 24/7 BDSM relationships is healthy or if it asks for trouble?
Any relationship has challenges to overcome as you find the balance between romance and practical aspects of everyday living. When you add BDSM into a relationship, it can be a fun way of exploring new kinks with someone you trust.
Some people choose to incorporate BDSM into their relationship 24/7, making it a large part of their lifestyle. Which can be fun for people who really want to commit and immerse themselves in kink. Yet it also poses new challenges to face when you decide to enter a total power exchange every day, 365 days a year.
What is a 24/7 BDSM relationship?
Having a 24/7 BDSM relationship is different from just having a normal relationship. When you’re in a regular relationship with someone, every day may seem to just revolve around each other. Especially when you’re living together, but in vanilla relationships you still have your own lives as well as time together.
Being in a 24/7 BDSM relationship on the other hand can be more intense. Typically because it involves maintaining the chosen dynamic constantly. In most cases, a BDSM relationship includes a dominant partner taking charge of the submissive partner. This status quo remains in place both in the bedroom and outside of the bedroom all the time.
Some examples of how a 24/7 BDSM relationship may work in real life could include:
- The dominant partner expects regular updates from their submissive about what they are doing (i.e they send photos of their outfit every morning to receive approval of it before they go out or ask permission before they agree to hang out with other people).
- Titles are used constantly, i.e use of ‘Sir/Miss/Mistress/Daddy’ regardless of whether they are in the bedroom or not and even if they are in public company.
- The submissive partner chooses to be ‘collared’ by their Master/Mistress and keeps the collar on throughout the day even when in public. (Collars might be similar to an actual dog collar or could be a symbolic choker or necklace worn instead to display that they are ‘owned.’)
- Chastity is enforced 24/7 when the couple are apart with some dominant women choosing to put a cock cage on their male sub which prevents erections without it being removed. These chastity devices are locked on.
How does this work in reality?
In reality, 24/7 BDSM relationships that are healthy don’t operate in the same way as 50 Shades of Grey. Both partners should give input into the relationship and free conversation around what they both enjoy should be a priority. Where partners choose to maintain the BDSM dynamic 24/7, it may become routine.
For example, a dominant man and submissive female dynamic may focus on her pleasing him and seeking approval. When getting ready for work, she might ‘present herself’ to him for his approval on her outfit. Then during the day there could be regular communication addressing him as ‘Sir/Master/Daddy’ or where she has to do certain things to please him.
In a slave/Master setting the Master may expect to receive photos of the slave exposing herself in public. Alternatively, dominants may control their submissive through remote controlled toys. Anal training could include putting a butt plug in at the start of the day and forbidding the sub from removing it.
Within BDSM culture, fashion can also play a key role in fetishes. Some BDSM members prefer to wear latex and leather as a display of their role. For submissives, this might include wearing a collar 24/7 as a mark of being owned. Or ‘baby girl’ subs may choose feminine childish outfits in favour of adult style.
Pro’s and Con’s
For people who enjoy BDSM kinks and want to commit to the lifestyle, having a 24/7 BDSM relationship can be great. Full power exchanges in a Dominant/submissive relationship suits some people who are confident in their kinks. Like most fetish lifestyles though, there are still drawbacks.
Pro’s
- It creates an intense bond between partners as the dynamic strengthens through daily involvement.
- For submissive people, there can be something reassuring about having their dominant partner authorise all decisions on their behalf.
- It can be sexually fulfilling to incorporate BDSM into your lifestyle when you want to commit to it.
Con’s
- It may become unhealthy if the couple or submissive partner becomes too reliant on each other.
- 24/7 BDSM relationships can be difficult to maintain in public if your family or friends are unaware and/or conservative sexually.
- It’s a consuming lifestyle which some people think is exploitative, immoral or too extreme.
- Following the lifestyle can make it difficult to mingle socially.
- Challenges to privacy and being discreet if you have a professional job, i.e it can be hard to conceal bruises from impact play.
- Abuse of submission can cause toxic relationships to develop if a Dom neglects their duties of care.
Is it healthy?
There are ways tokeep 24/7 BDSM relationships healthy but it requires more commitment and awareness than most. Where a lot of BDSM relationships become unhealthy is due to a loss of respect and consent.
Just because someone is submissive doesn’t mean they don’t have independent thoughts and wishes. When you enter a dominant/submissive relationship, you should maintain respect, trust and consent.
Respecting someone’s hard limits is essential within BDSM as not doing so can blur the lines towards abusive behaviour. A considerate Dom will prioritise the well being of their submissive over their own gratification. Responsible BDSM practitioners emphasise how important good sex aftercare is in a relationship.
If you’re in a healthy BDSM relationship, you should be able to talk to your partner on an equals basis. You may choose a Dominant/submissive dynamic, but this doesn’t justify abuse. In a healthy BDSM relationship, both partners choose to maintain the power balance they agree to.
Entering into BDSM
For people who are wanting to try new kinks as BDSM beginners, a 24/7 BDSM relationship isn’t the right approach. Simply because it drops you in at the deep end of the spectrum before you’ve learnt the ropes. BDSM features a lot of more extreme fetishes which can be tried in isolation without committing to the whole lifestyle.
Some BDSM kinks made popular in porn include:
- vaginal fisting
- spanking
- rimming
- anal sex
- gaping
- asphyxophillia/breath-play or choking
- golden showers
- edging – orgasm control & denial
Many people prefer to dip in and out of BDSM as part of their wider sexuality. This approach can be more healthy for people wanting to explore kinks as it doesn’t commit them to anything for a longer time period.