Sexual confidence can be a struggle for some people. It may stem from inexperience, insecurities or not being comfortable with their partner. Whether it’s a temporary thing or a more long term problem largely depends on what approach you take with it.
Often girls who lack sexual confidence in bed will wait for their boyfriends to make the first approach. They’re too shy to try and start sex themselves and may choose to be more submissive in the bedroom due to this level of reserve.
It may not be an issue with starting sex that affects other girls. But could instead be that they become anxious during sex due to feeling overwhelmed and so back off. Or just go along with whatever the more confident partner wants to do.
In other cases altogether, sex itself may not be an issue but the girl still lacks sexual confidence. Thereby meaning that she may be unable to orgasm or embarrassed to show her enjoyment. Which stops her fully relaxing and enjoying the experience.
Sexual confidence – appearance
One major reason why girls may lack sexual confidence in bed is due to how they feel about their appearance. If a girl is insecure in her looks, she may struggle to believe that a guy will find her sexually attractive.
Due to this, some girls may choose to cover up during sex. Preferring instead to keep more clothes on if possible or to wear lingerie with more coverage. They might feel more comfortable in something plainer and feel awkward if they try to wear something provocative or just different from their routine choices.
Girls may also favour having sex with the lights off or will deliberately cover themselves over once sex is finished. Which could put them off having much foreplay beforehand if they feel too exposed during it.
If your girlfriend has issues with her body confidence, the best thing you can do is encourage her to talk to you about it and reassure her that you find her attractive. She’ll worry that you aren’t attracted to her or don’t enjoy sex. So letting her know you are keen to be intimate with her and find her sexy will help.
Simple compliments will mean a lot to her but so will your body language showing how into her you are. Kissing her in public or while you watch TV and hugging her will all help make her feel special. While complimenting her when she’s wearing something new or encouraging her to go shopping together may all help her feel more attractive to you.
Avoid making any negative comments about her appearance or body even if it’s just meant as a joke. Women can be sensitive to remarks they think may be negative or reveal your ‘true feelings’ about her.
Experience
If someone is inexperienced, they may not have the sexual confidence to try new things in bed. Which means that they deliberately keep to more vanilla activities. It isn’t boring to just like vanilla sex but if you do want to try other things, finding ways to gently encourage her will help build sexual confidence.
When your girlfriend is new to sex or is maybe still a virgin, it’s normal that she may not have much sexual confidence. A lot of this is due to inexperience so being patient and taking things slowly will help her grow. But if she isn’t a virgin, she may still feel daunted and lack sexual confidence because it’s a new experience.
Being with a new partner can make anybody anxious, you don’t know what each other like and probably haven’t seen each other naked very much yet. Taking it slowly and talking through what you both enjoy and dislike should help. You don’t have to have sex right away in a new relationship and waiting can sometimes make it even better when you do have sex later.
As you get more experience together, you’ll find new ways of exploring things in the bedroom. If you’re in a long term relationship already though and her lack of sexual confidence is affecting what you do, there could be other things to consider. Sometimes you can easily make sex exciting again in a long term relationship. At others, it may be that she has had a loss of libido or is just less interested in sex for other reasons.
Orgasm
A lot of women get nervous about having an orgasm during sex. Often because it can be harder for women to climax, they feel awkward about doing so and may fake it. This can be due to feeling under pressure to cum or not wanting to ‘disappoint their boyfriend by not enjoying it enough.’
Orgasms are more complex for women than they are for men and can be harder to achieve. Finding out what makes your girlfriend climax is the first way to help her build sexual confidence in this area. If you can talk about what you both enjoy that will help the matter a lot.
Discuss what you both enjoy in bed with extra focus on what turns her on and makes her cum. There are female erogenous zones which can improve sex as well as practices like Tantric sex will help build a connection. Knowing how to give good oral for your girlfriend and what to avoid doing will also help.
You can give your girl more sexual confidence in bed by encouraging her to feel empowered. Tell her that you want to pleasure her and that her enjoyment is just as important to you as your own. By helping her to relax, you’ll increase the chances of her having an orgasm.
Alternative sex kinks
Sometimes trying alternative sex kinks can be a bit overwhelming for girls. Especially if they lack in sexual confidence, it can be too much too soon to try. If you’re wanting to expand your sex life to include more alternative kinks, try talking about them first and finding out if they appeal to her.
If they do appeal, great. But if they don’t, don’t try persuading her around to your point of view as this can feel like you’re pressuring her to agree. Instead leave the subject and move on to something else. It might be that she will think about it herself and decide she would like to try it, then it’s game on.
Some kinks like rimming, bondage, breath play and anal play can seem taboo. But when your girl has the sexual confidence to enjoy intimacy with you, it becomes more likely that you can explore new things. Just take it slowly and play safe.
There are lots of kinks which are perfect for BDSM beginners while other kinks like watersports, foot fetishes, role play and DDLG can all be done mildly.