During foreplay, you want to excite and tease rather than make any foreplay mistakes. Often foreplay can be too brief for women and may seem boring for men. But it doesn’t have to be and it’s definitely as important as sex itself.
Foreplay sometimes gets skipped over in porn or it appears to only consist of a couple of acts. The majority of pornos include a bit of kissing and boob squeezing, a blowjob and maybe a brief lick of a clit. Then it’s straight into the ‘main event’ of sex which seems to be immediately great.
Yet in reality, the majority of women complain that men make foreplay mistakes. Which end up spoiling the whole experience by making it feel too rushed and not giving her a chance to warm up. Foreplay should be enjoyable for both partners, not just as an introduction but an act in itself which can be as good as sex is.
In brief, the main foreplay mistakes guys make include:
- Being too brief, “fast and furious foreplay”
- Not making her cum (or only doing it once and then moving on – naughty!)
- Being too rough (lube is your best friend)
- Not touching her the right way or in the right places
- Being routine (shake it up!)
Fast and furious: Foreplay mistakes edition
All of the women I’ve spoken to about foreplay mistakes have the main big complaint. Men treating foreplay like a Fast and Furious movie. Rushing through foreplay is just as bad as not having any foreplay to begin with.
When you start getting in the mood, slow down and enjoy each sensation in turn. Enjoy kissing her, rather than risk making it robotic, try and focus on the kiss itself. Start with a gentle touch of your lips with your mouths closed, then gradually deepen the kiss into French kissing. Some guys snog girls immediately and create a tongue sandwich which really isn’t the best thing.
Everybody is pent up and horny, sure but there’s no reason to speed along and not enjoy the ride. While you’re kissing, take the chance to gently caress her body or run your fingers through her hair (just don’t snag it, ’cause it hurts a lot). Instead of going straight to touching her breasts, lightly run your fingertips or palms along her waist and over her back.
By touching the non-sexual areas in a sensitive way, you can expand the experience beyond the obvious erogenous zones. We all know women’s legs are sexy but often guys just focus on the inner thighs. Which while this area is awesome for attention, there’s still the rest of the leg available for your adoration.
Depending on your location, you can extend foreplay by teasing her all over. You don’t have to have a foot fetish to pay attention to her feet in a sensual way. Maybe you start by taking off her shoes and rubbing her feet, something she’ll definitely appreciate after a long day in them. Kiss and stroke your way up her legs, pay attention to the tender skin under her knees.
Break routine
Foreplay mistakes can be as simple as having the same routine every time. Not changing things around can end up making it feel boring for both of you as it becomes too predictable. If you aren’t sure what your foreplay MO is, make a note of what you usually do in bed before sex.
Whatever your ‘routine’ is during foreplay, shake it up and avoid doing things in the same order every time. Slow down when you’re touching her boobs and really appreciate everything. Instead of squeezing right away, just lightly palm her breast at the side while you kiss. Let your fingers brush against her nipples before then cupping her boob and squeezing lightly.
By increasing your pressure and speed gradually, you can extend foreplay relatively easily. If you move from one act to the next in a sequence, try alternating between them. Pay attention to her boobs, then kiss and lick across her torso before going onto oral.
Maybe your girlfriend is happy kissing while or after you’ve gone down on her. Rather than just sticking to oral and then moving onto sex, change from her pussy to her boobs and kissing her again. Some advice might be to write the alphabet on her clit with your tongue. To be honest, I’ve never been a fan of morse code so clit-alphabetics is debatable. But you get the point of taking your time so that you avoid foreplay mistake 1 of being too damned brief!
You can always include new things in the bedroom to spice things up. Whether that’s trying rimming, spanking, bondage, role play or just having sex in a different location. Variety will make your sex lives even hotter!
If you think your girlfriend is less interested in sex, there are ways to improve your sex life. While if you want to find foreplay more exciting, ask her to touch you in new places.
Make her cum
Some women can only orgasm during foreplay, which gives a whole other reason for guys to make the most of it. But don’t just stop at one orgasm, go for the second and the third! By avoiding the foreplay mistake number 1 of being too brief, you give yourself more time to make her cum during foreplay.
Don’t just rush to try and make her climax right away though. As said above, you should aim to make the whole experience of foreplay pleasurable for both of you. If you aren’t sure what your girlfriend enjoys most during foreplay, talk to her about it. Most women will be glad you’ve asked and happy to tell you what you can do to make it even better.
If your girlfriend cums mostly through focus on her clit, you can combine sex toys and oral sex to give her the ultimate bliss. But while you’re eating her, you can still use your hands elsewhere on her body. Getting her to climax is much easier if you make sure she’s fully turned on first.
Touching her all over her body during foreplay will get her tingling before you touch her hot spots. Female erogenous zones are commonly thought of as just being her: neck, breasts, nipples, pussy, clit, butt and inner thighs. But you can also show TLC to her ears, stomach, lower legs and feet with it being pleasurable.
If you have a ticklish girlfriend, you can include this during foreplay. Not just her underarms and backs of the knees but also her ribs and neck. Kissing, licking and nibbling some of these areas can help you discover new sensitive spots to pleasure your girlfriend with.
When you’ve got her fully wound up and ready with anticipation, you can go to town. Bring your A game now and make her cum. If she has a favourite sex toy, find out from her how she likes it being used and then if she’s happy, use it on her to make her cum. Let her relax while you rock her world (multiple times please).
Being too rough
One of the most common foreplay mistakes which men make also is being too rough. When you’re just getting into the action, you need to be gentle. Obviously you should make sure your girlfriend is comfortable throughout sex anyway, but starting off gently is best.
Not only is being gentle more comfortable physically as it avoids being rough. But it also gives you the chance to progress from light touches to more substantial contact. Not only does this work better when you’re trying to slow down foreplay to extend it, but it builds anticipation.
Starting off with light, fleeting touches will create the opening tension. Before pressing your hands over her body gently and getting progressively more firm. Handling erogenous zones like her breasts with varying levels of pressure will help get her turned on.
If you decide to try something like spanking, make sure that you discuss limits beforehand. Spanking can be super erotic and a fun part of foreplay when it’s done correctly. But if you spank too hard, it can end up being an uncomfortable experience.
Fingering a girl as part of foreplay can be one of the simplest ways to make her cum. Once you know how to press her magic button, you’ll be able to repeat the trick with ease. Part of this is simply finding what she enjoys, practice sessions can be great fun though for you both!
When you’re pleasuring her internally or even just giving oral and touching her externally, make sure she’s wet. Using plenty of lube will make this more fun for both of you and helps avoid the foreplay mistake of being too rough. This is extra important for anal play and rimming.
Foreplay should be just as pleasurable for you both as sex itself so find ways to connect and explore together. Practice makes perfect!